A miscarriage story, 2013

I’ve been putting of writing my next blog post, as I share my birth stories. I’ve told my nearest and dearest the story of my miscarriage, but many people haven’t heard any details. It’s been 4 years now. And I can still remember as if it were yesterday. Every year, as July 4th rolls around, I think of the day I lost my baby, at 9 weeks. I’m a very private person. I don’t like to get all personal about much … Birth and Breastfeeding are easy for me to talk about, but when it comes to how I feel, it’s hard. I keep it ALL in. For so long. I don’t want people to know what I’m really feeling, or even thinking at times. I sit here typing this, on the computer, on the chair, at the desk, where I spent hour upon hours, hiding, being alone, for over 2 weeks after. I couldn’t face the world. I felt as though the world stopped spinning, but I was the only one who noticed.

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Birth of Jonithan, 2011

We got to the birthing room at 12:00. My doula provided counter pressure through a contraction. I turned and looked at her out of shock – there was no more pain, no more pressure. It was like it had made my contraction vanish! I was using hip circles to help with the pain through the next few contractions, I put on my sundress instead of a hospital gown, the nurse held the fetal monitor onto my belly, told me to not worry about her, to do what I needed to do and she’d just move with me. This was so much better than any other birth I’d had! I got into the bathtub around 12:20. (my camera time stamped the pictures for me 😊). The hip circles had really helped a lot, but getting in the hot water was amazing!

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Birth of Blayne, 2010

I wasn’t sure what I wanted from our next birth, but I knew I needed something different. Something more. I turned to the internet. I searched natural birth. I found talk of homebirth and midwives and fell in love with the idea. I was very disappointed to find “that homebirth is illegal in Nebraska” (it’s NOT, but that is what the internet told me) That was all I found on the topic.

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Birth of David, 2006

The morning he was born:  I was miserable and was done being pregnant. I had a doctor appointment that afternoon and I packed my hospital bag, hoping my doctor would send me straight to the hospital. I took my daughter to story time at the library, then home for lunch, then to her great grandma’s house while I went to my appointment, with my packed bag.

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